Anyhow, seems husband is doing something for my 40th birthday. Which actually is very nice because I was a bit afraid it would be like all of the holiday’s of late…box of truffles (and I’m not all that fond of truffles) and a card. Which is fine and all but I did think it would be nice to have something special. But heck, special to me is having a birthday cake show up and maybe some presents or shoot, plan a nice trip somewhere for the family so I don’t have to…or whatabout giving me some time off to visit some friends…him taking responsibility for the kids for an extended weekend would be a real treat.… but not a surprise birthday party because I absolutely hate surprises. Actually I don’t hate surprises as much as I hate to be the focus of attention. There is nothing worse for me than to walk into a room and have everyone look at me. Even if they are all my friends I can barely tolerate it. So now, I know it is going to happen but he won’t tell me when (because yes, I did try to stop it) and he tells me to relax.

What.

I know I sound ungrateful, but this is nuts.

I am so on edge with the big change we are making with the kids school. Because not only is there telling the school we won’t be back, I committed to be the parent board president next year. I typically don’t back out of commitments and certainly not ones like this so I feel all bad and terrible. And of course, I have to have all the meetings and such with the school by myself because husband isn’t here and it makes me all crazy and stuff and I truly haven’t slept more than 3 hours at a stretch in over a week so that makes me even more stressed and prone to tears and all. And I hate it especially because I’m not doing it in an orderly manner…waiting to the last minute and all. There’s reason’s of course but it all sounds so weird…like why would we even look for another school if I knew I was going to be president of the parent board next year. There’s an answer of course, but it is so long and involved.

Why do I get like this? Why do I go nuts over stupid stuff? Why can’t I be calm and accepting of things coming my way? Why do I make such nutty decisions at the wrong time which causes me even more stress? And why or why am I going to have a surprise birthday party?